Comfort and confidence

So, along with interview angst and return-to-school trepidation, the start of Q3 has brought some significant changes.

Among them, new sections. In a few of my earlier posts, I may have mentioned that I spent my first semester at Darden as a Section B-er. Each of the first year class's five sections has its own traditions and thus, being in Section B meant that I: a) often wore orange, b) frequently attended parties with a stuffed Big Bird doll, and c) sang an ode to section solidarity every Friday afternoon.

But no longer.

This past week I became part of a new section -- Section 3. And, while I have high hopes for this new group of peers ... it's just not the same. I miss the camaraderie and the closeness of my former section. Now admittedly, I was not the biggest ra-ra Section B-er. In fact, sometimes I was a little reluctant to pull on my Big Bird polo (sorry fellow B readers, it's just not my favorite look...). But being thrown into a new section has made me much more appreciative of the people, the atmosphere and yes, the traditions that made Section B, B.

See, in Section B (even while sitting in cold call alley), I felt comfortable. I knew my peers and trusted that when I finally got over my shyness and threw out a comment or two, they'd be kind. They wouldn't judge me -- even if I said something idiotic. Eventually this sense of comfort led to confidence and, while I was never the biggest contributor to class discussions, I eventually become a much more active participant.

So what happens now that I'm in a new section? Well honestly, I've been in what I like to call "observation mode" (read: "silent"). Blessed with a seat in the back row (affectionately called "the sky deck"), I spent the first few days of Q3 classes listening to my new section-mates' comments and trying to get up the courage to offer a few of my own. It's worked a few times but I know I need to do better.

But how do you rush comfort and with it, confidence?

Interviews?!

I arrived back in Charlottesville last week to interview madness. For those first years on the banking and consulting tracks, it is suit-up-and-sell season -- a time when many are anxiously clicking on the Career Development Center's website scanning closed lists, holing up in learning team rooms for case prep and mock interviews, and receiving their first internship offers.
Me ... not so much.
The majority of my job search has been, and will continue to be, off-grounds. This poses all sorts of interesting dilemmas.
First, I'm on a totally different time frame than many of my peers. I, for one, do not have interviews this week. And, while I've put in some time prepping, it could easily be more than a month before I begin to hear back from some of the companies I'm interested in. On my bad days, this time gap makes me nervous and I begin to question whether it might not be best to start throwing my resume into contention for jobs that have a very clear interview and offer schedule. On my better days, however, I pat myself on the back for staying true to my interests.
Second, off-grounds jobs are, as implied by their name, more difficult to find. Throughout the past few months, I've become a daily presence on a variety of job sites. Sometimes I turn up hidden jewels. Other times though, I'm filtering through the same internships I spotted last week.
Third, often I feel like I am sending my applications into a great abyss. Unlike on-grounds recruiting, where you get to attend briefings, meet face-to-face with recruiters and submit your application through the CDC, applying online means you're often left in the dark about who is reviewing your resume and when they might contact you.
It all sounds so frustrating, doesn't it? Honestly, there are moments when it is. But then I think about what brought me to Darden. It definitely wasn't the dream of becoming an I-banker. While that may work for many of my peers, it's a job I know I'd hate. And I guess that makes waiting a little easier.

2009!

It's resolution time and, while I'm not usually one for advertising faults (hah!), it might be nice to have a list to reference during what's sure to be an interesting year. So without further ado, my 2009 New Year's Resolutions:

1. Dial down the stress. I'm a major worrier, but as I get older I'm realizing that I tend to create a lot of my own anxiety. Need to stop doing that.

2. Stay true to the reasons that brought me to business school. With the pressure of finding a job in a struggling economy, it would in some ways be easier to throw my resume at any job posting I find. But that would steer my focus away from what I truly love and what truly drives me.

3. Patience! This is one I've been working on for years and fully expect to be chipping away at for the rest of my life.

4. Stop texting and driving. I'm embarrassed to admit I do this, but I do ... I mean I did.

Family & Friends

One of the things I missed most during my hectic days at Darden are those just-hanging-out moments with family and friends. Luckily, I've had ample time and opportunity for that over winter break. During much of my time in Tokyo, I explored the city with my mom, stepdad and 17-year-old sister. Once I returned stateside, I was a bridesmaid in my best friend's wedding. And, this past week, I took a trip up to New England with my boyfriend. Throughout it all, it's been wonderful to reconnect. Rather than trying to fit phone conversations in between learning team and case prep, I actually got to sit down face-to-face with the ones I love. During extended lunches, car rides and shopping trips, our conversations ranged from serious to silly and giggly to tearful (weddings bring out all kinds of emotions).

For me, these talks have acted as much-needed reminders of how full my life is. While business school can often feel like the end-all, be-all, it really isn't. Out here in the real world, I'm not just a Darden first-year. I'm also a daughter, sister, friend and significant other. And each of those roles is important to me.